Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
