On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
