just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
