I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
