Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
