Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
