OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
