ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so let's talk penis.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
