Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
