This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
