We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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