I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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