Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
