Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
