he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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