he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
