Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Blood and glitter go together right?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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