Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
