his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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