he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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