If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
