So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
I'm going to Hell for sure
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
zippers are such a cool invention
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
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I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?