i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.