At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much