I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
