she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.