dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?