I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
