He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
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You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
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Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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