You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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