Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
