If i come over, it means nothing
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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