Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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