my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
