Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
