Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
