Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
