I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
