is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
