i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
