i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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