I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
