I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
