I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
