my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
