I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
