he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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