Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
