Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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