thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
