This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
