She's JV to your varsity
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
