She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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