sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
