idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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