Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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