the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
