I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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