Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
