Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
