so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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