So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
