Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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