i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
