You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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