I could make wine with my vomit
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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