A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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