i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
