haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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