ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
