I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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