Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
