Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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