HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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